


this is how a mountain breaks

by Diplocat (DecultureDignitary)



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Canon-typical language, Gen, Mentions of canon character death, Mourning, OC is plot relevant though, Post RVB Season 13, Red team are actually just mentions for the most part, Tucker does something really not good for Carolina's health, grief induced amnesia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-30
Updated: 2016-08-30
Packaged: 2018-08-11 23:17:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7911388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DecultureDignitary/pseuds/Diplocat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The first time broke her; the second time was liable to grind her down to only so much dust.</p>
            </blockquote>





	this is how a mountain breaks

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally written for rvb angst wars on tumblr. But, I got super anxious that I hadn't appropriately tagged my stuff and was too nervous to ask if I did, that I just deleted it. It's been sitting on my computer for months now. Whoops.
> 
> [cutthroat-cutiepie](cutthroat-cutiepie.tumblr.com) on tumblr sent me this prompt. "Carolina finding out Epsilon is gone."
> 
> Forgive me, it's been over two years since I've written anything.

*

*

*

  
“-na, Carolina!”

Washington’s helmet is large in her view. She steps back and slips out of the hand on her shoulder.

“What is it?”

“Just … making sure you were okay.” His voice is filled with syrup. Enough that she could choke on it.

Carolina snorts in revulsion. “Of course I’m fine. As you were.”

Wash hesitates to leave, so she makes the decision for him and steps around him to exit the door.

It’s only when she’s halfway down the hall that she realizes she left her own room. She doesn’t go back.

*

The Reds and Blues miss training.

Carolina has to go looking for them.

Grif is napping in the medbay when she find him, he doesn’t wake up. Not when she shakes him, not when she threatens him with extra training, not even when offers up her dessert rations for the week.

If he’s that tired, she figures, she’ll let him sleep.

The others seem to be avoiding her. She asks the recruits where they were last seen, but every time the place is vacated. She asks another recruit. The process repeats. She never finds them.

*

Carolina wakes up to the sound of arguing outside her room. 

She recognizes Wash’s voice. For a moment she thinks of how Washington was in the Freelancer Project. For all of the awkward goofiness he had then, he’s really grown up.

There are better ways to have matured, but for the life of her she can’t think of any other way things could have gone.

Wash is arguing, he’s not angry though, he’s using a pacifying tone that she’s never heard from him before.

The other voice is intense. There’s no mistaking those low tones for anything but cold cutting anger.

She rises to go rescue Washington, because that’s what she’s always done. Even though he skipped practice again today.

As she goes to press the button, it’s Wash’s desperation that makes her pause.

“Please, Tucker. Give me a chance.”

She pulls away from the door to lay back down. There’s some shit that even she can’t help with.

*

It’s the the abundance of new recruits that makes her really stop and take note.

Some of them stare at her in awe, others approach her in thanks for her time here on Chorus, but most just flow around her.

She’s been training by herself for days and she’s sick of it.

The next recruit who approaches her is soft all over with large dark eyes and a halo of auburn curls. She looks like a child. A child who certainly has no place signing up for a war. When the girl asks her how she is Carolina takes the opportunity.

The girl is easily persuaded by Carolina to join her training.

Which is good. A girl like her has no chance of surviving after all.

*

The girl’s name is Ellette and Carolina spends the next two weeks with her.

She’s a friendly avid listener. She listens to all to the stories that Carolina can legally share. And, maybe a couple she can’t.

Ellette smiles in the appropriate places and is very solemn for a girl her age.

She even has a smile for Caboose when he comes by to say hello to her.

“Hello again, Little Miss Elf.”

She smiles even wider at this. “Hey, Caboose. It’s been a couple of days. Do you got somethin’ for me?”

She’s got a twang to her voice that reminds Carolina of the Director’s. She’s not from Texas though, she says, but Arkansas. She drops all her ‘g’s and when she wants to ask you a question she wants to “axe you a question”.

“Yes.” Caboose says, he’s got a thick envelope in hand. “I was feeling sad and since you told me that it was okay to talk to Church I wrote my best-ist buddy a letter and I was hoping you would help me give it to him.”

Her faces goes from what Carolina recognizes as her listening face to a smile doesn’t quite reach her eyes. The corners of her lips are upturned but her eyes don’t move.

“Of course Caboose.” She takes the envelope. “I’ll see you tonight.”

He leaves almost as quickly as he appeared and without a word to Carolina.

“So, you’re friends with Caboose?”

When Ellette turns to Carolina her smile disappears, replaced with a considering look.

“Yeah, didn’t I tell you?” She slurs “didn’t I” together like it’s one word and “you” sounds more like “yuh”.

She continues, “Caboose was the reason I was sent here. The UNSC decided he needed a keeper.”

“Well, in that case. I suppose you need your _own_ keeper.” Carolina offers.

Ellette smiles and this time her eyes smile too.

*

Ellette is apparently acquainted with all of the Reds and Blues.

She spends an entire lunch watching Grif eat and she doesn’t even look vaguely ill doing it.

Carolina watches Ellette watch Grif. Wash keeps trying to bring her attention back to their conversation. There’s a part of Carolina that wants to march over to the two of them and say “I saw her first.”

She doesn’t.

*

Carolina sees her with Sarge and Simmons next. She only mediates between the two of them for a few minutes before moving on.

*

“–her recognizes it. She’s trying to make something to hold on to.”

“Carolina.”

“Is–”

“Are you okay?”

The conversation between Wash and Ellette halts, they both turn to her. She would prefer if they ignored her and just went back to talking rather than Wash ask her if she’s okay yet again.

Run off to fight a group of mercenaries by yourself once and they never let you forget it.

*

She doesn’t need to see Tucker’s face to tell he’s pissed. He still pulls his helmet off and throws it at her.

“What is  _your_  problem, Tucker.”

He’s in her face before she knows it. He’s a lot faster than she remembers.

“You’re my problem, Carolina, you psycho bitch.”

“What  _the_  fuck,” she says. Because he’s called her that before, but not since after the Director. There are people on the training grounds who pause to watch the show.

She can’t see him, but she can hear Washington off to the side. “Caboose go get Ellette now. Tucker’s not waiting anymore.”

Tucker hasn’t talked to her in over a month and Carolina can’t think of a single thing she could have possibly done to him. Except exist maybe.

“You know what you did.” He growls.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about. You’re the crazy one.”

“I’m the one, “ Tucker says lowly.

“I’M THE ONE THE ONE WHO’S CRAZY?” His voice rises higher and higher in volume and pitch.

He’s closer now.

“Haven’t you noticed that nobody talks to you except Wash and Ellette?”

No, she hasn’t. Not much anyways.

Tucker continues without her response. “Or. OR. How they’ve stopped you from going into Medbay?”

Grif kept sleeping in Medbay and skipping practice.  _She_  gave up trying to get him up.

“Or how Caboose has been gone for days at a time?”

He’s never talked to her much anyways.

“Have you even seen Sarge and Simmons at all!?”

Sarge and Simmons once.

No. Simmons was the one who kicked her out of Medbay the last time and told her they weren’t coming to practice anymore.

Caboose returns like a stampede. He’s holding Ellette around her waist, her legs dangling loosely like a doll’s.

“Tucker.” she says. It’s does nothing. He doesn’t even glance her way.

Caboose sets her down with a tap on the arm from her.

“TUCKER.” Ellette says with a tone more appropriate for a CO.

“Are you really going to do this?” She asks. 

He’s got his fingers wedged into the space between Carolina’s body suit and her chest plate. Carolina doesn’t know why she hasn’t kicked his ass yet.

Tucker’s eyes bore into hers, freezing her in place.

“Sorry,” he says to Ellette. Maybe.

“Not this time. “ He says to Carolina.

*

Carolina is crushing Ellette to her. She wants to let go. She wants to let her breath.

But, she can’t believe she forgot.

She forgot.

She forgot the Director was her father. She forgot the Chorus War was over. She forgot about Church.

She forgot that he was dead.  
  
She forgot. Sheforgot. Sheforgotsheforgotsheforgot.

She didn’t forget that she was alone now.

*

“No, no. Carolina. You’re not alone.” Ellette’s voice twangs. “I’m here.” Her arms are a cavern that Carolina hides in.

There’s a crowd and they’re surrounding her even now.

They can see her breaking.

“We got you.”

No.

It’s too late for that.

*

“Church is gone.” He says.

“Church is dead, Carolina. Are you going to leave us too?”

*

*

*  
  


 

 

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was unfortunately inspired by the one time I had amnesia for over 24 hours after a panic attack and couldn't remember why it occurred. I had no clue I was missing time until a friend (who had some training) questioned me until I remembered.


End file.
